Mick The Master Farter

Band - Kevin Bloody Wilson Album - Kevs Back(Return of the Yobbo) Song - Mick The Master Farter ABAE E] E A I first met him in the classroom back in 1963 B7 A E And we seemed to hit it off pretty good, we were mates, Mick and me E A He wasn't such a big kid, even back then at the start B7 E And he wasn't all that clever either, but Jesus he could fart E A I first found that out in class one day, when things were going pretty slow B7 A E And just to keep us all amused, Mick let this fucking ripper go E A Well, you should?ve been there, look, I'd describe it if I could B7 E But I just turned around, and I said, "Hey Mick you?re fucking good" E A And at the end of school Grand Final on the rugby field that time B7 A E We were getting beaten, they were 12 and we were 9 E A And play was 3 yards from our goal-line, when the referee called a scrum B7 E And Mick said, "Don't worry fellas, we've as good as got it won" E A So we just locked ourselves down in the scrum, and we held each other?s nose B7 A E And Mick our little hooker, he let this fucking ripper go E A Well, it stung their nose, and it burnt their eyes, and it even scorched the grass B7 E And I twigged right then and there, he had a double jointed arse Chorus: A E Mick, me mate the master farter B7 Put the art back into farting, with his custom tailored farts A E Mick, me mate the master farter B7 E ABAE Broke new ground in breaking wind, with his double jointed arse E A And it was just a couple of years later, we both went to see Kamaahl B7 A E It was a really poshy sort of show, in this great big bloody hall E A And all the blokes were dressed like penguins, and you should have seen the sorts B7 E And Kamaahl himself wore a sheilas dress, like a bloody black Boy George E A And we were all locked in there like sardines, for the show to get underway B7 A E But the tuba player didn't lob, he'd booked off crook that day E A And Kamaahl said, "Without a tuba player, I cannot commence the show" B7 E So old Mick jumps up said, "Sambo mate, I'll have a fucking go" E A Well, from then on in I honestly thought, that the whole show would be ruined B7 A E But he just winked at me and picked that tuba up, just like he knew what he was doing E A Then the maestro tapped his little stick to tell the band to start B7 E And Mick just shut his eyes and cocked his leg, and then began to fart E A Well you could have heard a pin drop, that night there in the hall B7 A E And it's hard to say who sounded best, Mick farting or Kamaahl E A Then the audience just went apeshit, they cheered and clapped and stood B7 E And Kamaahl smiled as if to say, "Hey Mick, you?re fucking good Chorus: A E Mick me mate the master farter B7 Put the art back into farting, with his custom tailored farts A E Mick me mate the master farter B7 E ABAE With his true-pitch perfect, calibrated, double jointed arse E A Well, good news travels fast it seems and it wasn't very long B7 A E Before Mick got this midnight phonecall from Ben Lexan and Alan Bond E A They said, "Mick we've got this specialist job, and we're prepared to pay ya B7 E Mick old son would you consider farting for Australia" E A We'll just prop you on our brand new yacht, when there?s no sea-breeze blowing B7 A E And get Mick the master farter to start her and keep the bastard going E A So Mick went into training on sausage rolls and pies B7 E And Vegemite and Fosters beer and a scholarship from Heinz E A The world had never seen before a yacht so finely groomed B7 A E Or a crew so fit and young and strong, or an arse so finely tuned E A The Yanks weren't even in the race, not even in the same class B7 E What with Ben Lexan and his secret keel and Micks fuel injected arse E A Well he come back a bloody hero didn't he, the all Australian boy B7 A E And government commissioned this bloke to do a big statue of his koy E A And I can still see Mick standing there when they confirmed his Knighthood B7 NC E And Bob Hawke pinning it on saying, "Hey Mick, you?re fucking good" Chorus: A E Mick me mate the master farter B7 Put the class back into farting, with his designer-label farts A E Mick me mate the master farter B7 Wth his true-pitch perfect, calibrated, turbo thrusted, fuel injected, W.I.N.G.S. protected, B7 E ABAE double jointed arse